The article below is a comment I made on @Sageblack’s blog so I decided to run it on my blog and get people’s view on the issue. To read the article that prompted this comment visit

I enjoy reading about love and romance. I love the idea of being in love or the idea of the kind of person I want to fall in love with. I believe this is the problem most girls/ladies/women suffer from.
Let me break it down. We grow up watching romantic movies, reading romantic novels or listening to love songs. We get ideas of how love is portrayed and how the hero in the movies show their love. We listen to the wording of love songs and imagine that special someone whispering those words into our ears or shouting it on the roof top for the world to hear.

When I was younger, I would sing Westlife’s album with so much passion. I felt the love in their songs. I watched ‘Maid In Mahattan’ ‘Coming to America’ etc and I saw the level and extent the heroes of these movies showed their love. I was convinced that that was how love was. I was so sure that my Mr Right would come for me on a stallion in shinning amour. Imagine my dismay when my first relationship didn’t end well and the second and third and fourth and… Could the writers of my favourite romance novel be wrong or was Westlife high on cheap weed when they sang their songs?

“I have a history of making decisions very quickly about men. I have always fallen in love fast and without measuring risks. I have a tendency not only to see the best in everyone, but to assume that everyone is emotionally capable of reaching his highest potential. I have fallen in love more times than I care to count with the highest potential of a man, rather than with the man himself, and I have hung on to the relationship for a long time (sometimes far too long) waiting for the man to ascend to his own greatness. Many times in romance I have been a victim of my own optimism.”

― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

You grow up and you discover more about yourself, life and love. I found out that I was in love with the idea of the person I wanted to be with and not the person I was with, the ideas I had gotten from Books, Movies and Music. The ideas that may not fit into the reality of my life or the life of the person I was dating. So I had to shelf my ideas and open my eyes to see the potentials in men and women. To understand who they really are and love them for who they are and not the picture of what I hold in my head. Girls should open their eyes to see the potentials in men. He may not have the house, car, looks or money you would want but open your eyes to see if he actually has the potential for success and greatness and work with it.

You also have to know who you’re. It is very important that you are able to define yourself before you fall in love or else you lack the essential ingredient in a romantic relationship. When you are able to define yourself, you know exactly what you want or don’t want in a relationship. You know (not have an idea) the kind of person you want irrespective of social class, religion, background, tribe and sex (Yeah right, male or female). I know I’m an extremely outgoing person so I want someone who is reserved but very open to me and my love.

I heard what you said. I’m not the silly romantic you think. I don’t want the heavens or the shooting stars. I don’t want gemstones or gold. I have those things already. I want…a steady hand. A kind soul. I want to fall asleep, and wake, knowing my heart is safe. I want to love, and be loved.”

― Shana Abé

Knowing who you are gives you a level of confidence that throws insecurity out the window. You are sure of yourself so the person you are with doesn’t have to keep on reassuring you over and over again about how much they love you. Ladies, it gets tiring when a guy has to tell you every minute just how much he loves you. A confident lady gives a guy a good hard on come rain or shine.

Also, follow your bliss. Love who makes you truly happy no matter where they come from or what they do. I’m not saying throw caution to the wind and act like a fool because that special someone makes your lady parts tingle. All I’m saying is ‘Follow your bliss’ and make sure you feel good with whoever you are with whether male or female.

Lastly, be true to yourself. Tell yourself the truth. No matter how painful or ugly it is. Always tell yourself the truth and learn from your mistakes.

Love is real and good and will find you.

“Love isn’t finding a perfect person. It’s seeing an imperfect person perfectly.”

— Sam Keen


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