Click here to read the story without a title: episode 4
I’m out the car with the speed of lighting. Mentally looking for my shaving stick. I run into my bathroom, check my toothbrush holder. No shaving stick. Then I remember I had thrown out the last one 2 weeks ago while cleaning. I think I have a scissor somewhere so I run back into my bedroom to find my scissor. I scatter my wardrobe looking for a scissor. I check under my bed, behind my wardrobe, under my pillow, in the water closet. This can’t be happening to me right now.
I can’t even find blade. I stub my foot on my dresser and yell out in pain (more like frustrated pain).
‘Are you okay in there?’ I hear him say.
‘I’m fine. I hit my toe on the dresser’ I reply
‘What are you up to?’ He asks
‘Freshening up. Gimme a minute. I’ll be out soon’.
This isn’t going well. Where is that damn blade or a sharp cutting instrument? With how I’m feeling, I can use a broken bottle to shave right now. I know I sound desperate but he’s a hunk and it’s been a while (putting it mildly)
After 20mins of searching with no luck, I know it is confession time. So like a dog with its tail between its legs, I walk out of my room. Thinking of how I’m going to tell him I lied about ‘deforestation’. I walk into my sitting room and I hear the sound before I see him. He’s snoring. WHAT!!! He’s sleeping, SLEEPING! OMG! Here I am slaving away, looking for a sharp instrument to shave my pubic hair so we can have sex and he fell asleep. He’s luck I didn’t find any or I would cut him.
‘O ba ti rough eh’ (go with the flow) my mind tells me.
‘But he said he doesn’t like pubic hair’
‘So? People say one thing but in the heat of passion they do another thing. Happens all the time. A guy says he doesn’t like a girl but ends up getting her pregnant and marrying her. Heat of passion’
‘That’s crazy. You are crazy’
‘I’m a part of you so if I’m crazy, O ti ya were (you’ve gone mad)’.
So I walk back into the room to get a blanket like the ‘oyinbo’ (white) people do in the movies. It’s easier than waking him up to explain that you fell asleep while waiting for me to shave my bush which I didn’t end up shaving cause I can’t find any shaving stick or scissor or blade and I don’t use shaving cream cause I react badly to it so we can’t have sex and I can’t get head which I desperately want (no, need) I desperately need.
‘And you say I’m crazy’ say my mind. You’re the crazy one. All this elongated speech because of head. Na wa!
I cover him up and go to sleep.